It’s Not That Easy

Hey You,

When making a baby, the waiting around makes me feel irked and annoyed. I don’t like to wait around for results. It’s nerve wrecking and always such a disappointment for me.

Mr. Man works on shift and at times, he’s just way too tired to even “try” and I’m just left there thinking that this whole thing is way too hard! It’s nothing like they say it is when you’re trying to make a baby. Those lucky enough to make a baby in a moment of passion are very lucky indeed. It doesn’t come easy for some.

My baby making moral feels like it’s an all time low and I was even checking out IVF treatments in…wait for it…India! I know, how crazy is that, right? I haven’t even gone to the first step of taking Clomid yet and I’m thinking of IVF in India. I’m not a very patient person, I usually want results…yesterday!

It doesn’t help when you have a pregnant friend who tries to taunt you in a joking manner about being “jealous” that you’re not pregnant like her and she is younger than you. People who have married after you are now popping out babies, some are already up to their second one. It’s frustrating and sad. Urgh, help!

Give me a day or two to snap out of this negative streak, I’ll be ok after I get my head on straight again.

oxox,

S.

The Migraines

Hey You,

It’s been a tough week and a bit. I’ve been suffering some crazy migraines and I can’t seem to shake them off! 10 years ago, I suffered from some head pounding migraines that was caused by some serious stress…with school exams and family issues always cropping up, I wasn’t surprised I was suffering.

Perhaps the whole baby making process has been way too difficult and stressful for me and it’s finally getting to me. My day job requires me to stare at a computer screen for hours on end too. So I’ve had to really cut down my time on the computer and replace it with mindless resting on the bed in a dark room. It’s horrible not being able to do anything! I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep the pain away.

I’ve been trying not to pop too many pills. When I say pills, I mean Panadol. The maximum an adult is allowed to take is 8 in one day. Last week, I took 6 in one day, my record so far, definitely something I am NOT proud of! I’ve really been trying to do some kind of pain management. I try to meditate and do some deep breathing while I’m lying down on the bed. Sometimes it works…sometimes it doesn’t.

I know what the doctors will want me to do…they will want me to get a CAT scan on my head. I had it done all those years ago and they couldn’t find anything, I was just stressed.

Mr. Man and I took the weekend off and headed up to another major city in a neighbouring country for some well deserved R&R. Unfortunately, I still had the head pains. I managed to pop more Panadol to kill off the pain for a while. I hate being sick while I’m on vacation, I just wanted to do nothing! On a positive note, I didn’t spend much money at all…I was in no mood to shop!

I spent a bit of time speaking to those closest to me about my quest to get pregnant. It has only been 3 months since I started this journey and it’s still early days. My mother told me that it took her 3 years to conceive my older brother and they had tried everything and only got pregnant once they stopped trying. A work friend of mine tried for 18 months before she conceived her twin boys and another friend, who is my age, took 3 years to conceive.

I’ve only been at it for 3 months and I’m stressed out…!

My work friend said that she kept on getting migraines when she was pregnant with her twins. That kind of shocked me because I didn’t take a pregnancy test before the HSG scan. I just assumed that I was not pregnant because I had my period a few days before the scan. It seemed like a normal period, so I took it as a sign of not being pregnant.

I haven’t done a pregnancy test yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant…but then I’m also not so sure that I am either! I’ve been doing some poking around on the Internet and I’ve checked out some cases of women who were pregnant during the HSG scan procedure, all with different outcomes. You can read up on it here.

I’m just afraid that, if I was pregnant during the procedure, that I may have harmed the baby.

But then again, I don’t think I’m pregnant.

I’ve decided to closely monitor my cycle and have ordered a bulk pack of Ovulation and Pregnancy Tests. This will help me monitor if I’m ovulating or not.

Those of you who are trying to conceive, don’t feel like a failure, keep on going, let me know your progress!

oxox,
S.

*Note to self* Calm down, this is part of nature.

P.S. I’m going to see Dr. C. tomorrow morning to discuss the results of Mr. Man’s sperm test and my HSG test. Lets hope for the best!